Saturday, 26 September 2015

Selfies, selfies, selfies! Me, me, me!

My recent selfie stick-induced rage at people's insufferable self-centeredness elicited a lot of conversations. Both on the blog and outside of it. And yes, I realized it was time to take a good look at myself. Sans the iPhone, though. 

The attraction of blogs is their personal take on things: the fact that the bloggers open and share their lives for the readers (in my case that's sharing my monstrous misfortunes in love, those not-so-stellar moments in the kitchen, the occasional bouts of existential crisis...) - offering the reader something to relate to. Or aspire to. Or, as I suspect is the case with my blog: something to roll one's eyes at.

There's one thing chronically missing on this blog and the newsfeed of its social media outlets. Something that I've been told all bloggers just loooove. Selfies. 

I've always loved being behind the camera and in front of it I feel just about as comfortable as Kim Davies at a gay orgy. And in a rather naïve way I always assumed that when reading about my travels, people would be interested in seeing pictures of... say, the places I've been to. But nooooo: the world wants selfies. 

So, let's fix that once and for all. Dear readers: here's your blogger. Travelling the world!

(My apologies for the quality of the photos: most of them are from an era when phones were used as media for verbal communication and even cameras only had like, three pixels in them)

* * * 

As the unnatural position of the left arm and the suffering look on my face would imply, this is a 100% genuine selfie. Though taken at a time when the word hadn't even been invented. So, we just called them photographs.

Göreme, Turkey

But then along came selfies. Followed by belfies (which, I understand, are pictures people take of their bums (What the hell is wrong with this planet?!)

So, here's one of those, then.

Calahonda, Spain

Ooh, what do you know! I'm a lady...!

Malaga, Spain, wait, no I'm not.

Malaga, Spain

Another thing I'm not is an advocate for vigilance when it comes to applying sunscreen. But hey, check out my bling!

Benalmadena Pueblo, Spain

Here are some examples how shots of some of the most iconic scenes are not made better by slapping my face onto them.

Tallinn, Estonia

Cappadocia, Turkey

Jerusalem, Israel

Alhambra, Spain

Petra, Jordan

And this photo is a holiday snapshot classic: absolutely no esthetic value or any sense what so ever

Warsaw, Poland

Based on this pic I've also gone through rather a questionable phase in my life... as a guerilla in a Nicaraguan resistance? As a mercenary in Congo?

Somewhere in India

This on the other hand is a scene that plays out on all my travels. Several times a day. You know how Kim Kardashian, the queen of selfies, is made fun of because of being an ugly cryer? Well, I'm an ugly eater

Rome, Italy

Here's another example of a yours truly in her natural habitat. Shoe shops and gay bars - those are the two things my genetic GPS never fails to locate.


And here I am, literally in my natural state. Another week of Greece and I would have blossomed into a full-blown 'fro. 

PS. Do notice the body language, reminiscent of being strapped to an electric chair. A dead giveaway of how relaxing I find it to have my photograph taken...

Corfu, Greece

Next you'll see photos I could never, ever feature on an online dating website. That would make those poor bastards think I'm, well... athletic. Can't have that.

Kusadasi, Turkey

Pamukkale, Turkey

These following photos are so much closer to the reality. Which is probably good news for any prospective suitor, struggling body image issues. See, the only six-pack I care about is in the fridge.

Tel Aviv, Israel

Though... can anyone get this giddy over beer? Just look at that manic gaze!

Arroyo de la Miel, Spain

Oh, yes. I seem to be all about healthy choices (though in all honesty, there's a good chance that actually is just tobacco...!)

Oh, and do note how I dress for my nights of nocturnal naughtiness: a pussy bow blouse and pearl earrings. Mrs. Thatcher would be so proud.

Tunisia? Egypt? Palestinian territories? Poland...?




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